ONCE UPON A TIME......

My kids love bedtime stories. But, not the kind you would read in a book. They want me to make up a story, on the spot, "not about us or anyone we know", and "not a story we already know". Well, talk about demanding kids. Can't you just be satisfied with a story from a sweet little bedtime story book that's already written and proven with kids from multiple generations? But...I digress.

Over the years I have come up with some pretty awesome stories. Sometimes these stories are in song, and are funny in nature. Other times, these stories are based on fairy tales, but have a twist at the end. The twist usually comes as a result of me forgetting exactly what happens in the real story. But, that seems to be what my kids like best anyway, so I still have my job as storyteller.

However, other times, these "made up on the spot" stories don't turn out so good. Last night, I was asked by Caleb to tell a story. "But, not about anyone we know, or me, or any other real story." So, I was left scrambling. I went into song, because that's what I do....good or bad....if I'm going to fall on my sword, I am going to be singing something while grasping for a rhyme.

So, I went into song about a 7 legged beast that walked into town one day. The beast approaches people's homes to chat with them, but everyone hides behind their couches and in their closets. They are all scared of the awkward creature. Each day he is greeted by the same reaction. Until one day as he was walking down the street, he saw a shadowy figure off in the distance. As he got closer, he realized it was another 7 legged beast. They fell in love and lived happily ever after.

Caleb's reaction: (laughter....pause.....laughter.....pause...thinking....wheels turning) Wait. That's gross. Please tell me they didn't kiss.

First story (song) of the night - C-.

Next, I was putting Abby down for the night. I could hear Jody singing karaoke in the other room and wanted desperately to get in there to show her how it's done. But, I was met head on with another story request. (I'll elaborate on the karaoke thing in a future blog.)

I decided to go a different route this time and avoid the song and dance. So, I came up with the story of the Ugly Princess. I cleared my throat and the adventure began.....

Once upon a time, there was a princess. And this princess was uuuugggggglllllyyyyyy. I mean to tell you, she was so ugly that when people saw her, they went (make screaming noise). I mean, she was so ugly that when you saw her, if you didn't already have bad eyesight, you wished that you did. She was (as we say in the south) rurnt. She was tore up from the floor up. (Abby laughs - good sign - then says "daddy, you're mean" - bad sign).

Ummmm, okay.

So, one day the princess went into town. (All of my characters seem to go into town at some point. Give me a break. I'm making this stuff up on the spot.)
When she walked down the street people would scream when they saw her. Others just had to stare because she was so ugly.

One day, when the princess walked down the street, she saw a little puppy in need. The puppy was very hungry and was being treated bad by all of the townspeople. So, the princess picked up the puppy and held it tight. She kissed it, and loved it. And, soon found it some food and water. But, the princess wasn't done. She was gonna give those people a piece of her mind.

So, the princess walked back into town. Amidst the screams and the scurrying of the people.... ("Daddy, what does a miss mean?" Uhhh....just listen. I'm almost done.) So, while people ran around screaming, she yelled out...."may I have your attention please." Everyone stopped to hear what the ugly princess had to say.

"For years now, you have all screamed and ran away from me because you find me less than appealing.....well.....okay, I'm ugly, okay. I'm not easy on the eyes. But, you have treated me so bad, that it has really hurt my feelings. I am just like you on the inside. And, because of your treatment of the little puppy that I've decided to name UGA (that's for the University of Georgia...go dawgs), I want you to know that you are the true ugly ones. You have shown your true character by the way you treat others."

And from that day on, the ugly princess was known as the Beautiful Princess because of her inner beauty....but, she was still rough to look at.

The End.

If any of you need stories written for your kids, let me know. I'm thinking about posting some on ebay soon and would be honored to terrorize a few of your kids.